No matter who is paying for the wedding, do NOT spend more than you can pay for in advance. In other words, do not put a bunch of expenses on a credit card to pay for the wedding AFTER the occasion comes and goes. Why?  A marriage is hard work and has enough real life stress.  Conflict over money is one of the two biggest issues a couple can face.  You do not want to start your married life with a significant wedding debt in additional to the regular monthly living expenses.   And do not ask your parents to put significant debt on a credit card.  Times are too uncertain.

Having an expensive wedding with debt to pay after wards, does not encourage the longevity of your marriage.  Be SMART about this.  Figure out a wedding budget and stick to it.  Only purchase wedding expenses that you can pay off BEFORE the wedding date.   If you cannot afford to get those paid off before, you certainly can’t afford it after wards.

Take off your rosy colored glasses and use your calculator.  Do not over budget so you have no wiggle room.  Unexpected things happen to everyone:  car trouble, doctor or dentist bills, a family crisis etc.

If the wedding event is 12 months away and you each can afford to make $200. in additional monthly payments (each must already have accessible funds for emergency);  $400. X 12 = $4,800. for a wedding budget.  This includes ceremony, reception, rentals, dress,  dance, honeymoon, gifts,  ANYTHING associated with the wedding event.   If you can afford only half of the above monthly payment, then your budget should be $2,400. maximum.

Everyone has to prioritize.  Just because your best friend had a full reception dinner, doesn’t mean you have to.  Just because your sister and hubby went on a tropical honeymoon, doesn’t mean you have to.  Just because your co-worker had the best gown that money can buy, doesn’t mean that you have to.  You don’t have to pay their bills.  Their life is not yours.

Each couple must decide what is important to them.  What do you really value?  What is it about this celebration that you love so much that you are willing to spend hard earned dollars? Stick with a budget you can afford to pay off in advance! If you regret not having debt, I will take you out for your first anniversary dinner.

Looking for a wedding officiant?  Contact  rev@oklahomaweddingceremony.com

(1)    What is her/his use of alcohol, drugs or porn?  A problem now is a big problem later. 

(2)    What are his/her bad habits?  Are there activities that seem extreme or obsessive?  Are these things you can live with?  Do they chat, game online  or watch TV a lot?    Don’t expect they will change AFTER you get married,  after you have children.   I kid you not.

(3)    What are your conflicts now?  People generally don’t turn over a new leaf when they get married.  What you see is what you get.  If he runs around with other women now, he will later too.   If she can’t hold down a job now, she won’t later.  However, there is always hope!  Some people change when a major life crisis occurs, but getting married usually isn’t one of them.  It’s easier to slide back into old habits rather than develop new ones.  If you are optimistic, it is a good thing.  However, take off your rosy colored glasses before you get married. 

(4)    Do you like his/her family?  Why or why not?  These are the people you will likely be spending holidays with or maybe spending them alone.  I kid you not.     

(5)     What kind of communication skills does the other have?  Is it difficult to get him/her to talk about sensitive issues? Do you hear a lot of “I don’t want to talk about it?”   Does she/he anger easily,  get violent when upset?  Communication will make or break any kind of relationship. It’s a big factor between a healthy and unhealthy relationship, feeling alone or feeling supported.  I kid you not. 

 If you accept these things about your fiance’ and you are absolutely positive that you STILL want to get married,  contact the rev@oklahomaweddingceremony.com

When a couple comes to me and we begin talking about what kind of service they want, religious or non-religious, our conversation centers around these questions.

(1)    Was faith important in your younger years?  What memories do you have of attending worship or church related groups?  What feelings do you have about those experiences?

(2)     Are you active in any part of church life now?  Why or why not?   Do you consider yourself a Christian?   Do you ever wonder about your purpose in life?

(3)    If a couple really isn’t all that interested in living a Christian life, do you think they should have a Christian marriage ceremony?  Is a Civil (nonreligious ceremony) more appropriate for them?   Why or why not? 

(4)    If I have a conversation with your best friend, what will they say are the five most important things to you?  Would they choose a religious or nonreligious ceremony for you?

 It is important that you talk with your fiancé at this stage about your spiritual beliefs that you may or may not have.  This issue determines what kind of ceremony will be most meaningful to both of you.  If one of you wants God to be a part of the ceremony and one of you doesn’t, there is a problem.  Hopefully, you can come to an agreement that is acceptable to you both.   This issue needs to be worked thru before you can tell your wedding officiant what kind of ceremony you desire.   

•  A wedding is a time to celebrate giving and receiving love.

•  A wedding is a time to be grateful for all those who surround you with love and support each day of your life.   © 2011

(1) Does he/she believe in monogamy?  Does he/she think it is possible to stay faithful to one person?

(2) Are they a spender or saver?  How much debt does she/he have?  How does she/he manage their money?  Do you want to be responsible for the other’s debt as well as your own?   Are you okay with someone else spending your money?

(3) Is she/he comfortable with intimacy and affection: physical and psychological?  Has the other let you into their “inner sanctum” or is there a barrier?

(4) Is the other interested in having children?  Why or why not?  This is important to resolve before getting married.  Do not expect that the other will change their mind later.  I kid you not.

(5) What kind of work ethic does your fiancé have?  Does he or she miss a lot of work, jump from job to job?  It may not be important now but it will be when money is tight and bill collectors are  threatening to disconnect the utilities, cable and internet.  The loss of cable and internet can make some break out into a cold sweat.  I kid you not.

If you are ready to get married and still looking for a wedding officiant,  contact rev@oklahomaweddingceremony.com